The final push: just the beginning

The final push: just the beginning

They try to warn you with their horror stories. Stories of lengthily agony. Waves of pain. Hour after hour. Coming and going. Before the big push. The moment that welcomes the love of your life into the world. The moment that changes everything.  

They try to warn you. But they can’t possibly prepare you for that moment. Even if you’ve been there before. By then, you’ve pretty much forgotten what it’s like until you recognise the agonising labour cries which ring around your skull. And you think to yourself: oh yes, this IS hard!  

They try to tell you that ‘when you get to the point where you REALLY feel like you can’t do it anymore… it’s nearly over’. You’re supposed to believe them. And yet, in that moment, the impossibility of what is about to happen feels so real.  

I CANNOT DO THIS.  

I REALLY CANNOT DO THIS.  

CAN I?  

You give it everything. The waves of agony are irrelevant now. Barely recognisable as you have another challenge to contend with. One big push? Forget it; it’s a process. And you better be prepared to give it EVERYTHING you’ve got. EVERYTHING. Everything you think you haven’t got. Because while you’re pretty certain you ARE giving it your all. You’ll realise, there’s another level of your ‘all’ to go. You’re capable of more. And your more is needed.  

Keep pushing. 

Keep pushing. 

And then, the moment arrives. The moment that takes your breath away. And becomes a blur too fast. The moment where, just when you think you’ve stepped your game up as a human (you did just bring another person into the world), you realise you have barely begun uncovering your capabilities.  

LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE CREATED. GROWN. BIRTHED. 

It barely seems possible. But, there they lie. Real. Tiny. Depending on you.  

To become a mother is to be given an incredible gift. The gift of fresh eyes. The gift of seeing the world anew, from the view of someone so innocent – so hopeful. From the view of someone ready to make the best of their one life. Depending on US to show them how.  

To become a mother is to be given a heavy load. A weight to carry long past pregnancy. Our bodies are far from done. If we’re not feeding, we’re rocking. If we’re not rocking, we’re carrying. If we’re not carrying, we’re playing. If we’re not playing, we’re… Well, you’d hope we’d be sleeping… except no - we hardly sleep.  

Our bodies are far from done. Yet, still they keep going. They keep pushing.  

HOW AM I STILL FUNCTIONING? You ask yourself, again and again, as you wake up at 2am. 3am. 4am. 5am.  

Your body keeps pushing. 

And, your mind; your mind is unlocking new chambers, new thought patterns, new queries… New thinking. So much thinking. 

SHOULD I DO IT THIS WAY? SHOULD I DO IT THAT WAY? 

AM I DOING ENOUGH? AM I DOING TOO MUCH? 

SHOULD I BE THERE? SHOULD I LEAVE THEM ALONE? 

So much thinking.  

And that’s just week one! 

It keeps going… 

The relentless questioning. The wondering. The trying. Always trying.  

You feel yourself resist. You see yourself stumble. But the only way is onwards. With them… Growing.  

The only way forward is to keep growing. Keep PUSHING.  

Our minds and our bodies HAVE to keep going. For them.  

You keep pushing.  

Pushing through the sleepless nights.  

The feeding setbacks. 

The teething pains. 

The guilt. 

The doubts.  

The tantrums. 

The big questions you don’t know how to answer. 

You keep pushing.  

On the good days. You actually feel it happening. You feel yourself being tested to your limit, and somehow, you keep it together. You stay in one piece. You feel yourself being stretched – physically and mentally. You feel yourself almost reach breaking point, but not. Just like on that day where it all began. With that push. The final push. The final push which was in fact, the beginning.  

The beginning of this journey. A journey like no other.  

The start of the discovery.  

The discovery, to get to know our precious bundle. To get to know the people who make our life whole. The blessings which expand our being and grow our hearts to a size we thought wasn’t possible. 

That first push comes with so many more firsts that make every hard moment worthwhile. 

First smiles. 

First giggles. 

First words. 

First steps. 

First sweet whispers. “I love you, mummy”. 

For every challenge, you work past - there is celebration! 

You feel yourself realise: you’re capable of more.  

You always have been.  

You are a mother.